Too Many Commitments? Here’s How to Start Letting Go.

Too Many Commitments? Here’s How to Start Letting Go.

Are you overloaded with obligations, tasks or activities that take up all your time and energy but don’t pay the bills or provide for your family? That was my situation some years ago.

At that time I yearned to build a new career for myself, yet I just could not see how to make it happen.

My life was already jam-packed.

I had a life full of activities that interested me. I was committed to all sorts of meetings, to my daughter & school, various groups, and volunteering. There were my art classes, which were a social occasion as well as for creating. I wanted to continue my part-time job, the upkeep of various websites I had taken on, and regular committee meetings that involved organizing exhibitions. I just could not see how to progress.

 My time and energy, and the sheer numbers of hours in the day and days in the week were all used up.

If I stayed the way I was, I was well and truly stuck.

How did this come about?

Some of it came from others making requests of me, some I believe was led by interest and wanting to be a part of something, to belong. Opportunities would come up in my life, and I would say YES, just because I was interested, and if the truth were known, a little flattered to have been asked. Equally, I think I needed to prove myself somehow – like I can take all this stuff on and do an excellent job of it. I did want to find ways to contribute and to feel I was helping others by doing so. Some commitments were led by a love of learning and gave me a sense of moving forwards in my personal development. I increased my knowledge and built what I considered valuable transferable skills.

Yet however fascinating these were, they were not going to bring me the level of satisfaction I believed I would gain from pursuing a potential new career. I needed to find or create time for this somehow.

Talking to a coach was my turning point.

It took speaking to a coach who asked me what I could do without, to realize that I had to take something away to begin the new and shiny thing I wanted in my life, which mattered so much to me.

What happened? At first, I resisted and fought against the idea of letting anything go. I desperately wanted there to be a magical way to have it all. But then she coached me to put everything down on a piece of paper, every single commitment I had, and just look at it.

“I understand you’re enjoying all of these, and also that you are gaining something from each of them. If there was one that you could do without, which would it be?” She asked me.

I began to see the bigger picture.

As I looked at those words on the page, I plainly saw the amount of time each commitment took up, and where each might take me. The muddy water seemed to be clearing, and a pattern began to appear.

I knew building a new life for myself would require pulling back from giving so much time to others, and using that time to re-train for a new, rewarding career. I could continue living overcommitted and underpaid, or I could start saying no to others in the short term, so I could say yes to myself longer term.

I started to make changes.

I began to find ways to discontinue the activities which took all my time and attention, one by one, honourably, and over a period. By gradually reducing my obligations, I created the space for something new. A new career beckoned on the horizon. I took the invitation, and to date, I haven’t looked back.

If you’re overwhelmed by too many commitments to others, here’s what to do:

  • Recognise that if you keep on saying YES to everything that comes along, you will reach a point when you cannot take on any more.
  • Determine what or who you can say NO to, so you can say YES to yourself.
  • Write down every commitment you have on one piece of paper, so you can see the big picture more clearly.
  • Begin by choosing just one commitment to let go of. Then as you build up your “letting go“ muscle, see if you can find other commitments that would benefit you by being brought to a conclusion.

Finally, allow yourself to let go of what isn’t going to serve you long-term and create the space for what’s really important to you now.

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges like over-commitment and overwhelm to understand what’s holding them back, and then co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.

Are Distractions Ruining Your Life? How to Fix What’s Wiping out Your Focus.

Are Distractions Ruining Your Life? How to Fix What’s Wiping out Your Focus.

What can you do to help yourself focus and be more productive when distractions keep getting in the way? Whether you find it practically impossible to concentrate in a busy environment, or you’re zoning out while listening to someone, distractions can rule your life and prevent you from doing and achieving the things you want to get done.

Everyone can get distracted at times, yet for people with ADHD “Distractibility” is one of the major symptoms, often affecting us continuously from morning to night. Knowing when, where, and how you’re getting distracted is a good starting point to doing something to improve your situation. Lists, charts, graphics, or voice recordings of your distractions are just some of the ways you could collect this information. 

Follow these pointers to create your unique Personal Distraction Profile:

When do you typically get distracted?

Is it when you are talking to someone and you start to follow a train of thought sparked off by something they said, pulling you away from what the person is saying? Perhaps it’s being in a noisy, busy environment at work when your concentration is broken by phones ringing, or people coming and going, and asking you things. Or maybe it’s when you start a domestic clear out, and you find so many interesting things that distract you. All of a sudden, hours have gone by, and nothing gets done.

So, identify when you get distracted and record the times you get pulled off focus.

Where are you most often distracted?

Is it at work, where the chairs are uncomfortable, so your back begins to ache, and the discomfort is hard to ignore? Or at home, where the thought of unpaid bills distracts you from the task in hand, and the dinner gets burned – again!

Perhaps you are out for a meal somewhere with friends, only the music and conversations together make it virtually impossible to hear what anyone is saying, so you spend the evening feeling isolated and on the edge of things.

Make a note of these places and add them to the record.

How do you get distracted?

We are all individuals, and one way to understand and identify your unique brand of distractions is knowing how you take in and then process information. You take in information through your senses. Depending on individual processing styles, one or more of your senses can be the source of many distractions.

It can be useful to divide distractions into two main categories; external and internal. Continue to add any more instances to the data you’re compiling about yourself.

 External distractions can be anything entering your field of awareness via your senses – this could be the regular five senses:

· hearing, 

· visual,

· tactile or felt,

· smell,

· taste.

In addition, some individuals are affected by:

· temperature changes or extremes,

· perception of where their body is in space,

· sense of balance.

People respond differently to these stimuli – some people will find the subtlest sounds or movements distracting, while others won’t even be aware of them. 

Then there are internal distractions. These can be things like:

· thoughts,

· feelings,

· emotions,

· images,

· memories etc.

Add this information to your Distractions Profile.

Now pinpoint any emerging patterns and consider how you could better manage them.

For instance, do sounds distract you and interrupt your train of thought when writing emails? You could try wearing ear defenders, moving to a quieter place, or changing the time of day you work on them, so that you are sure to be in a quiet environment.

 Or maybe it’s the visual distraction of other people around you, moving around or walking past that you find most distracting? Try working in a room on your own, using a screen, or turning your desk to face the wall.

Perhaps you are repeatedly distracted by memories that get triggered by seeing a place, person, or object? Before you know it, you are off down memory lane, and time is ticking by. Many of my clients have found Mindfulness practice can help with being more present. Over time, regular Mindfulness practice can reduce instances of getting lost in thoughts and emotions for long periods.

It’s worth bearing in mind that each type of distraction has its own solutions. Being more precise about what your distractions are will help you customize your responses with more success.

In summary, to build up your Personal Distraction Profile, identify and record:

· WHEN you get distracted.

· WHERE you get distracted.

· HOW you get distracted.

· your external distractions.

· your internal distractions.

Make additions to your profile whenever you find yourself pulled away from things, unproductive or overwhelmed, or when you find you’ve lost track of time.

The final step is to identify any recurring patterns, and think of some action(s) you could take based on your findings.

If you don’t feel up for doing this alone, why not ask for help from a trusted friend. Alternatively, you could engage a specialist in coping with distractions such as an ADHD Coach to assist you. 

Once you have identified your times, places and types of distraction you will be in a much stronger position. Then you can take positive action to reduce or eliminate them. Your focus and productivity will increase as a result!

 

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges in focus and attention to co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.

Lost something again? A fresh approach to keeping track of your stuff.

Lost something again? A fresh approach to keeping track of your stuff.

Are you a person who’s always losing things? There’s your keys, your phone, your purse, your glasses. They are never in the place where you think you last saw them, are they? Or where they ought to be, in that special basket by the door, or on that hook next to the stairs.

Why not? Well maybe you, like many others, are not fully paying attention when you put your keys down. Because you’re busy thinking about other things.

When you’re busy in your head thinking, it’s pretty much impossible for you to notice what you are doing with your hands or anything you’re carrying. For much of our days we are going through life on autopilot. We can eat, walk, and even drive whilst thinking about other things entirely. Some studies show that maybe as much as half of our lives are spent on autopilot, and that goes for everyone, not just people with ADHD. No wonder we lose our stuff!

So what’s the solution? Well, one sure way is to pull yourself out of autopilot at the right moments, so you can pay attention to where you are putting your keys.  Catching our own autopilot behaviour as it is happening is the secret.

You can do this by building up your ability to catch yourself acting on autopilot. Think of it like a skill that can be improved on with practice. You get better at it the more you do of it, right? Or a muscle that gets stronger the more you exercise it. If you are training to lift weights you don’t immediately start with the heaviest weight, do you? You’d end up in hospital with a strained tendon or worse. So you start small with a weight that’s well within your capabilities and work your way up.

Use plenty of help and support to make it easy on yourself at the beginning. A good starting point is to use some kind of external prompt at intervals throughout the day. This could be any signal that comes from outside yourself which can call your attention to what you’re doing in the moment.

For example, choose an activity you already do several times a day – such as making yourself a hot drink or having a glass of water – and link that to consciously noticing what you’re doing right then. This will begin to build up your “noticing” muscles. Maybe you’re the sort of person who wants something that will be sure to rouse you out of your autopilot trance. You could use bells, alarms or any kind of noise that will grab your attention. If you are a visually oriented person, other options might be to have post-its, sticky notes or coloured dots strategically placed in odd corners of your home. Put them somewhere you’re sure to see them.

You can set up timed or random occasions for catching autopilot throughout the day. Why not get creative with this; finding new ways to gently prod yourself to consciousness with an alerting stimulus? Try several until you find something that works. You may need to swap them around from time to time once your techniques lose their novelty and become an invisible part of the furniture, when you don’t respond to them anymore.

Once you’ve noticed you are in autopilot, then what? Simply being aware of what’s happening in the here and now, aware of both your internal thoughts and feelings, and of your surroundings, can give you some space. A welcome break from the chatter in your mind.

You can regularly interrupt the current of mindless inattention, by bringing your attention back to the present. I tell my coaching clients they can do this by practicing catching themselves in autopilot and bringing their attention to what’s happening in and around them. Then I encourage them to stop whatever they are doing for a few moments and bring their attention to their breath. This is a form of Mindfulness practice; a way of “taking control of our attention (self – regulation) with an attitude of openness, curiosity and acceptance.” (Bishop et.al. 2004 – in Mindfulness: A proposed operational definition.) 

This way you give yourself a chance to notice, then choose what you want to focus on. By checking in with yourself at regular intervals throughout the day, you’ll give yourself opportunities to ask yourself “What do I want to do right now? What could be next?”

Once you learn to catch your own autopilot behaviour, you’ll begin to notice things you didn’t notice before.

You can learn how to pull yourself out of autopilot and back into the present with:

  • Gradual practice building up bit by bit.
  • External prompts like a certain time of day.
  • Linking to things you do regularly like drinking a hot drink or glass of water.
  • Setting up timed or random occasions to draw attention to what you are doing.
  • Auditory prompts like bells or alarms, or custom noises.
  • Visual prompts like post- its, sticky notes or coloured dots.
  • Stopping what you’re doing and bringing your attention to your breath.

Before long you’ll also become more aware of the times when you’re putting your keys down. And begin to remember where to find them later.

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges in organisation to co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.

 

Challenges of ADHD: producing creative work consistently.

Image of mug with the word Begin

Challenges of ADHD: producing creative work consistently.

What can make it hard for creatives with ADHD to produce work consistently over time? And what can help? Part one of a two-part blog.

For me the definition of creating on a consistent basis means to create something regularly. Many of us in creative fields need to be able to produce work on a regular basis in order to keep income flowing in. There are projects to complete, work to hand on to others where work involves more than one person, due dates for submission, deliveries to consider, publishing deadlines to meet.

You could say that producing work consistently is going to involve several different stages

  • Having initial ideas
  • Preparation and planning
  • Getting started
  • Carrying out the work, and continuing to work on it over time making adjustments as needed.
  • Getting it finished and out of the door.

I hear a lot from people with ADHD who tell me they are able to do something quite well for a while, then it lapses for one reason or another. It can be days, weeks, or months before they realise they have stopped, and even longer before they find a way to return to it.

Could it be due to novelty wearing off?

Could it be that the buzz that comes from achieving something at first, is no longer providing the juice of motivation needed to continue, as soon as it begins to become routine?

Could it be to do with getting easily thrown off course by external events like interruptions or distractions?

Could it be because self-directed transitions are hard for those of us with ADHD, so returning to something again once you have stopped presents problems?

There are many possible answers to this conundrum, as everyone has their own particular “brand” of ADHD. Yes, we are all different.

Years ago I used to believe that I could only paint when I felt like it. Then, on occasions when I did feel like it, I would not be organised enough in my materials to make a start. By not organised enough I mean, for example, that my paper would be stored in one place, my paints and brushes in another, and I didn’t have a dedicated clear workspace to work in, etc. This caused me no end of frustration, as I often could not find what I was looking for, and on many occasions I spent so long looking with no success, that I finally gave up in disgust. Painting accomplished – nil.

I also think on reflection that I may have been slightly affected by inflexible thinking, as I would get hyper-focused on finding the exact brush or paper that I had thought of using, whereas, looking back now I wonder, why didn’t I just use my creativity to improvise and do something else?

Hyperfocus is an interesting one for ADHD creatives, as it can either take the form of “helpful hyperfocus” which enables us to be immensely productive, or “hindering hyperfocus”, as in the example above. Sometimes we can experience a combination of both! I’ll have more to say about hyperfocus and creativity in a future blog.

In the end, once I realised that ADHD was an issue for me, I found a great piece of advice by Dr. Ned Hallowell. His recommendation is to only get as organised as you need to, to achieve what you want, without taking organisation too far and getting embroiled in perfectionism. Doing this has certainly helped take my own productivity in painting to a whole new level.

For now, here are three tips you can try, if producing work consistently is eluding you.

TIP one: To help take that first step towards creating, have everything you need set up in advance for yourself and to hand, so that it becomes really easy to begin. Preparation is one key to avoiding frustration and inertia.

TIP two: If getting prepared seems like a bit of a chore, try separating it out into a standalone activity, and then take a break and go away. Making yourself a drink or going for a walk can provide enough of a break for it to seem like a completely separate activity. Then when you return to begin your creative project, voila! There is your workspace and everything you need to get started immediately. Getting going feels much smoother and more effortless.

TIP three: Beware of thoughts telling you it has to be done in a certain way. You’re a creative after all; some of the best inventions and creations in the world have come from happy accidents or from people making it up as they go along. Keep that inner flexibility and creative muscle well-exercised.

Another thing to understand is that if we wait until our brains and bodies are in the state we believe is ideal for creating before we begin, like I used to, then we risk either at worst not achieving anything at all, or at best only a fraction of what we could be capable of.

So instead of the “Do I feel inspired to create today?” criteria, we need some other way of getting ourselves to create regularly – which is what I understand by consistency. Someone once said that our lives are defined by the questions we ask ourselves.

What might we be capable of if we changed the question above to, “What do I feel inspired to create today?” Feel the difference in those two questions. The first asks for a simple yes or no answer, while the second question opens up a whole world of possibilities.

What kind of questions are you asking yourself when you set out to create something? The first kind, or the second? And which will you be using next time?

In part two of this blog we will be examining ways to get unstuck if your creative projects grind to a halt.

Anna Schlapp B.A., AACC, ACC, is a certified coach with the ADD Coach Academy and the International Coach Federation. Specialising in ADHD and Creativity, Anna helps talented people like you find ways of being more creatively productive and productively creative.

Get in touch to schedule your complimentary coaching session with Coach Anna.