Too Many Commitments? Here’s How to Start Letting Go.

Too Many Commitments? Here’s How to Start Letting Go.

Are you overloaded with obligations, tasks or activities that take up all your time and energy but don’t pay the bills or provide for your family? That was my situation some years ago.

At that time I yearned to build a new career for myself, yet I just could not see how to make it happen.

My life was already jam-packed.

I had a life full of activities that interested me. I was committed to all sorts of meetings, to my daughter & school, various groups, and volunteering. There were my art classes, which were a social occasion as well as for creating. I wanted to continue my part-time job, the upkeep of various websites I had taken on, and regular committee meetings that involved organizing exhibitions. I just could not see how to progress.

 My time and energy, and the sheer numbers of hours in the day and days in the week were all used up.

If I stayed the way I was, I was well and truly stuck.

How did this come about?

Some of it came from others making requests of me, some I believe was led by interest and wanting to be a part of something, to belong. Opportunities would come up in my life, and I would say YES, just because I was interested, and if the truth were known, a little flattered to have been asked. Equally, I think I needed to prove myself somehow – like I can take all this stuff on and do an excellent job of it. I did want to find ways to contribute and to feel I was helping others by doing so. Some commitments were led by a love of learning and gave me a sense of moving forwards in my personal development. I increased my knowledge and built what I considered valuable transferable skills.

Yet however fascinating these were, they were not going to bring me the level of satisfaction I believed I would gain from pursuing a potential new career. I needed to find or create time for this somehow.

Talking to a coach was my turning point.

It took speaking to a coach who asked me what I could do without, to realize that I had to take something away to begin the new and shiny thing I wanted in my life, which mattered so much to me.

What happened? At first, I resisted and fought against the idea of letting anything go. I desperately wanted there to be a magical way to have it all. But then she coached me to put everything down on a piece of paper, every single commitment I had, and just look at it.

“I understand you’re enjoying all of these, and also that you are gaining something from each of them. If there was one that you could do without, which would it be?” She asked me.

I began to see the bigger picture.

As I looked at those words on the page, I plainly saw the amount of time each commitment took up, and where each might take me. The muddy water seemed to be clearing, and a pattern began to appear.

I knew building a new life for myself would require pulling back from giving so much time to others, and using that time to re-train for a new, rewarding career. I could continue living overcommitted and underpaid, or I could start saying no to others in the short term, so I could say yes to myself longer term.

I started to make changes.

I began to find ways to discontinue the activities which took all my time and attention, one by one, honourably, and over a period. By gradually reducing my obligations, I created the space for something new. A new career beckoned on the horizon. I took the invitation, and to date, I haven’t looked back.

If you’re overwhelmed by too many commitments to others, here’s what to do:

  • Recognise that if you keep on saying YES to everything that comes along, you will reach a point when you cannot take on any more.
  • Determine what or who you can say NO to, so you can say YES to yourself.
  • Write down every commitment you have on one piece of paper, so you can see the big picture more clearly.
  • Begin by choosing just one commitment to let go of. Then as you build up your “letting go“ muscle, see if you can find other commitments that would benefit you by being brought to a conclusion.

Finally, allow yourself to let go of what isn’t going to serve you long-term and create the space for what’s really important to you now.

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges like over-commitment and overwhelm to understand what’s holding them back, and then co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.

Are Distractions Ruining Your Life? How to Fix What’s Wiping out Your Focus.

Are Distractions Ruining Your Life? How to Fix What’s Wiping out Your Focus.

What can you do to help yourself focus and be more productive when distractions keep getting in the way? Whether you find it practically impossible to concentrate in a busy environment, or you’re zoning out while listening to someone, distractions can rule your life and prevent you from doing and achieving the things you want to get done.

Everyone can get distracted at times, yet for people with ADHD “Distractibility” is one of the major symptoms, often affecting us continuously from morning to night. Knowing when, where, and how you’re getting distracted is a good starting point to doing something to improve your situation. Lists, charts, graphics, or voice recordings of your distractions are just some of the ways you could collect this information. 

Follow these pointers to create your unique Personal Distraction Profile:

When do you typically get distracted?

Is it when you are talking to someone and you start to follow a train of thought sparked off by something they said, pulling you away from what the person is saying? Perhaps it’s being in a noisy, busy environment at work when your concentration is broken by phones ringing, or people coming and going, and asking you things. Or maybe it’s when you start a domestic clear out, and you find so many interesting things that distract you. All of a sudden, hours have gone by, and nothing gets done.

So, identify when you get distracted and record the times you get pulled off focus.

Where are you most often distracted?

Is it at work, where the chairs are uncomfortable, so your back begins to ache, and the discomfort is hard to ignore? Or at home, where the thought of unpaid bills distracts you from the task in hand, and the dinner gets burned – again!

Perhaps you are out for a meal somewhere with friends, only the music and conversations together make it virtually impossible to hear what anyone is saying, so you spend the evening feeling isolated and on the edge of things.

Make a note of these places and add them to the record.

How do you get distracted?

We are all individuals, and one way to understand and identify your unique brand of distractions is knowing how you take in and then process information. You take in information through your senses. Depending on individual processing styles, one or more of your senses can be the source of many distractions.

It can be useful to divide distractions into two main categories; external and internal. Continue to add any more instances to the data you’re compiling about yourself.

 External distractions can be anything entering your field of awareness via your senses – this could be the regular five senses:

· hearing, 

· visual,

· tactile or felt,

· smell,

· taste.

In addition, some individuals are affected by:

· temperature changes or extremes,

· perception of where their body is in space,

· sense of balance.

People respond differently to these stimuli – some people will find the subtlest sounds or movements distracting, while others won’t even be aware of them. 

Then there are internal distractions. These can be things like:

· thoughts,

· feelings,

· emotions,

· images,

· memories etc.

Add this information to your Distractions Profile.

Now pinpoint any emerging patterns and consider how you could better manage them.

For instance, do sounds distract you and interrupt your train of thought when writing emails? You could try wearing ear defenders, moving to a quieter place, or changing the time of day you work on them, so that you are sure to be in a quiet environment.

 Or maybe it’s the visual distraction of other people around you, moving around or walking past that you find most distracting? Try working in a room on your own, using a screen, or turning your desk to face the wall.

Perhaps you are repeatedly distracted by memories that get triggered by seeing a place, person, or object? Before you know it, you are off down memory lane, and time is ticking by. Many of my clients have found Mindfulness practice can help with being more present. Over time, regular Mindfulness practice can reduce instances of getting lost in thoughts and emotions for long periods.

It’s worth bearing in mind that each type of distraction has its own solutions. Being more precise about what your distractions are will help you customize your responses with more success.

In summary, to build up your Personal Distraction Profile, identify and record:

· WHEN you get distracted.

· WHERE you get distracted.

· HOW you get distracted.

· your external distractions.

· your internal distractions.

Make additions to your profile whenever you find yourself pulled away from things, unproductive or overwhelmed, or when you find you’ve lost track of time.

The final step is to identify any recurring patterns, and think of some action(s) you could take based on your findings.

If you don’t feel up for doing this alone, why not ask for help from a trusted friend. Alternatively, you could engage a specialist in coping with distractions such as an ADHD Coach to assist you. 

Once you have identified your times, places and types of distraction you will be in a much stronger position. Then you can take positive action to reduce or eliminate them. Your focus and productivity will increase as a result!

 

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges in focus and attention to co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.

Studying with ADHD: A Success Story

Studying with ADHD: a Success Story.

My coaching client was intelligent, creative, and committed to making the world a better place once he gained his degree. Just one thing was getting in his way; lack of understanding of how his ADHD traits were having an impact on his revision tactics for his end of year exams. ( “Revision” in the UK means “study” or “review” )

We started by precisely analysing his current approach to revision. He was certainly putting the hours in, yet no work was being done. Time was ticking by and this situation was beginning to undermine his self-esteem. His confidence in passing his exams was at a low ebb.

I started by asking him some clarifying questions, and these revealed that the environment he was attempting to study in played a big part in his difficulties both in getting started, and in maintaining focus. I discovered he was trying to study in the same environment where he lived, ate and spent time relaxing. I recommended he firstly try separating out his study area from his living area and see what happened as a result.

He agreed to check out this new strategy and came back next session full of enthusiasm at the insights he had gained. He realised as a result of this new awareness just what a key role environment did play in his ability to study and revise.

Knowing it wasn’t some kind of character flaw holding him back, but simply the way he was going about his revision, was a pivotal moment for this particular client.

 After a couple of weeks of experimentation, he came to the conclusion that trying to study in his flat was not going to work for him, and he took the decision to go to the library to revise.

From there I helped my client deepen his understanding of how his ADHD trait of distractibility was hampering his efforts. I was able to identify exactly which distractions were throwing him off course and when. I encouraged him to use his strength of creativity to come up with some solutions he would enjoy putting into practice. I was also able to help him see the benefit of taking regular breaks, to refresh and recharge.

Working together we came up with a plan that worked with his ADHD traits. We tailored it to his unique circumstances, course modules, and the time he had remaining to complete his studies and revision. Armed with this new information my client was able to go from hours spent sitting staring at his book bag, beating himself up for not revising day and night, to completing a realistic goal of several hours a day of revision.

He regained confidence and was filled with new hope as he understood that completing his revision in a timely manner was now within his grasp. He was able to pass his end of year exams with a better grade than expected and was excited to share the good news with me.

You can make your study and revision easier and more productive by paying attention to these factors:

  • Find a comfortable place to study that helps you feel like studying. Don’t try to study in the same place you live, eat, and relax.
  • Give yourself permission to take regular breaks from study. Set a timer if you need to.
  • Identify the things that distract you, then eliminate them so as to maximize focus and concentration.
  • Every person with ADHD is different. Notice what specific elements aid or hinder your own studying and make adjustments if needed.

Just a few changes to your environment and work habits will pay dividends in your ability to focus and concentrate. ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back from being an excellent student.

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD Coach and author helping students acquire the life and study skills they need to successfully navigate university.

With 20 years’ experience in the fields of disability and education to draw on, coupled with an encyclopaedic knowledge of ADHD, Anna’s positive and strengths-focused approach has been supporting students to work with their ADHD, not against it, for over 4 years.

To find out how coaching can benefit you or a student in your life, contact me.

Lost something again? A fresh approach to keeping track of your stuff.

Lost something again? A fresh approach to keeping track of your stuff.

Are you a person who’s always losing things? There’s your keys, your phone, your purse, your glasses. They are never in the place where you think you last saw them, are they? Or where they ought to be, in that special basket by the door, or on that hook next to the stairs.

Why not? Well maybe you, like many others, are not fully paying attention when you put your keys down. Because you’re busy thinking about other things.

When you’re busy in your head thinking, it’s pretty much impossible for you to notice what you are doing with your hands or anything you’re carrying. For much of our days we are going through life on autopilot. We can eat, walk, and even drive whilst thinking about other things entirely. Some studies show that maybe as much as half of our lives are spent on autopilot, and that goes for everyone, not just people with ADHD. No wonder we lose our stuff!

So what’s the solution? Well, one sure way is to pull yourself out of autopilot at the right moments, so you can pay attention to where you are putting your keys.  Catching our own autopilot behaviour as it is happening is the secret.

You can do this by building up your ability to catch yourself acting on autopilot. Think of it like a skill that can be improved on with practice. You get better at it the more you do of it, right? Or a muscle that gets stronger the more you exercise it. If you are training to lift weights you don’t immediately start with the heaviest weight, do you? You’d end up in hospital with a strained tendon or worse. So you start small with a weight that’s well within your capabilities and work your way up.

Use plenty of help and support to make it easy on yourself at the beginning. A good starting point is to use some kind of external prompt at intervals throughout the day. This could be any signal that comes from outside yourself which can call your attention to what you’re doing in the moment.

For example, choose an activity you already do several times a day – such as making yourself a hot drink or having a glass of water – and link that to consciously noticing what you’re doing right then. This will begin to build up your “noticing” muscles. Maybe you’re the sort of person who wants something that will be sure to rouse you out of your autopilot trance. You could use bells, alarms or any kind of noise that will grab your attention. If you are a visually oriented person, other options might be to have post-its, sticky notes or coloured dots strategically placed in odd corners of your home. Put them somewhere you’re sure to see them.

You can set up timed or random occasions for catching autopilot throughout the day. Why not get creative with this; finding new ways to gently prod yourself to consciousness with an alerting stimulus? Try several until you find something that works. You may need to swap them around from time to time once your techniques lose their novelty and become an invisible part of the furniture, when you don’t respond to them anymore.

Once you’ve noticed you are in autopilot, then what? Simply being aware of what’s happening in the here and now, aware of both your internal thoughts and feelings, and of your surroundings, can give you some space. A welcome break from the chatter in your mind.

You can regularly interrupt the current of mindless inattention, by bringing your attention back to the present. I tell my coaching clients they can do this by practicing catching themselves in autopilot and bringing their attention to what’s happening in and around them. Then I encourage them to stop whatever they are doing for a few moments and bring their attention to their breath. This is a form of Mindfulness practice; a way of “taking control of our attention (self – regulation) with an attitude of openness, curiosity and acceptance.” (Bishop et.al. 2004 – in Mindfulness: A proposed operational definition.) 

This way you give yourself a chance to notice, then choose what you want to focus on. By checking in with yourself at regular intervals throughout the day, you’ll give yourself opportunities to ask yourself “What do I want to do right now? What could be next?”

Once you learn to catch your own autopilot behaviour, you’ll begin to notice things you didn’t notice before.

You can learn how to pull yourself out of autopilot and back into the present with:

  • Gradual practice building up bit by bit.
  • External prompts like a certain time of day.
  • Linking to things you do regularly like drinking a hot drink or glass of water.
  • Setting up timed or random occasions to draw attention to what you are doing.
  • Auditory prompts like bells or alarms, or custom noises.
  • Visual prompts like post- its, sticky notes or coloured dots.
  • Stopping what you’re doing and bringing your attention to your breath.

Before long you’ll also become more aware of the times when you’re putting your keys down. And begin to remember where to find them later.

Anna Schlapp, AACC, ACC, is a certified ADHD coach who specialises in creative solutions to triumph over the hurdles of ADHD. Anna helps those with challenges in organisation to co-create personalised blueprints for leading more amazing lives. Read more of Anna’s strategies for empowered productivity on her blog. To find out how Anna’s unique system can help you maximise your potential, ask about a complimentary coaching session.