The Impact of Being Able to Have a Break from Caring.

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Image of mother and young adult female

The Impact of Being Able to Have a Break from Caring.

It’s Carers Rights day on Thursday 24th November. But wait, you may say, what is a carer and who are they caring for?

Firstly it’s important to distinguish between a paid support worker or personal assistant and an unpaid carer. A carer means someone providing unpaid care.

When we talk about carers we are referring to people who are unpaid carers of someone with a condition, disability, illness or of someone who is older. 1 in 8 people in the UK are currently caring for someone.

Carers rights include:

  • The right to a Carer’s Assessment and your identified needs being met
  • Rights at work and the right not to be discriminated against because of your caring role
  • The right to be recognised as a carer
  • The right to be included in hospital discharge planning
  • The right to register with your GP Practice as an unpaid carer to enable you to access health checks and Covid-19 and flu vaccinations
  • Carers right to a break

You can find out more about the rights and entitlements of carers.  Go here for more information:

https://www.carersuk.org/news-and-campaigns/carers-rights-day/find-out-about-your-rights

also

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-resources/our-factsheets

 

What’s it like being a carer of an adult with a neurodivergent condition such as ADHD or Autism?

There’s a lot of concerns and worry that the young adult may not be coping with day to day life.

Carers can spend a lot of their time and energy looking for services which can potentially provide support or help for the young adult, including finding professionals who can undertake assessments and diagnoses.

These carers, who are often the parents of the young adult, may not feel able to get a break from their young adult or leave them alone, or they may have left home but still be needing high levels of support. That could be financial, practical, dealing with services, helping them get organised, providing emotional support, making sure they eat healthily, and keep their homes in a habitable state.

Many parents of young adults with Autism or ADHD and other health conditions as well, who contact me for support or information are unaware they are carers. Some of them are not surprisingly extremely tired and emotionally drained. Having a break from caring can make all the difference to a person’s life. As a carer myself I could not continue to provide care effectively without regular planned breaks from caring.

There are several ways to have breaks that you could consider:

One – getting a break from caring from the person that you provide care for, in other words arranging for someone else to take over from you and provide care instead.

Two – getting a break from your “workplace”; for carers this could mean getting away from your routine at home, and even your home itself. Most people who take time off work take it for granted that they will be spending time away from their place of work, however for carers whose workplace is their home, this aspect is often overlooked.

Breaks can be short like a few hours or a day out for yourself, or they can be longer and involve a night or two or even more away from your cared-for person or away from your home.

Things I have noticed when I get exhausted from caring continuously without a break:

I get crabby and irritable.

Life seems less enjoyable and I lose my sense of humour.

Things seem much more effortful, and I have much less energy to tackle the everyday jobs. It’s even harder to summon up extra energy for trips or days out, as I feel too tired to be able to cope with them.

I lose my sense of perspective, and caring seems to take up all my energy.

I begin to feel hopeless and weighed down by my caring responsibilities.

By contrast when I have had regular breaks:

I feel energised and my mood is more upbeat.

My sense of humour returns, and I feel more light-hearted.

I feel able to cope well with the day to day jobs. I can plan enjoyable activities, knowing I will have enough energy to be able to carry them out and enjoy them.

I can broaden my horizons outside of caring and widen my perspective to other aspects of my life.

I feel rested, and that caring is a part of what I do, not the whole of it.

 

If you are a carer and are feeling you could do with some advice and support, please do get in touch with one of the carers organisations.

Carers UK have a handy database you can search to find your local support organisations:

https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/get-support/local-support

If you are based in Devon, Devon Carers https://devoncarers.org.uk/ has lots of information on its website. There is a Carer’s Rights Day being held in the Corn Exchange in Exeter on Thursday 24th November where you can drop in to speak to someone and find out more about what’s available.

Would you know what to do if someone was bullying you at work?

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Would you know what to do if someone was bullying you at work? 

It’s Anti-bullying week this week, however it’s not just children who are subject to bullying. Bullying in the workplace is an all too common experience for people with differences, people with ADHD and/or ASD being no exception. If someone is behaving towards you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, then it’s worth asking yourself whether bullying could be behind it.

What constitutes bullying?

Bullying can be outright rudeness or arguments, or it can also be less obvious than that. It can take the form of piling work on someone, excluding or ignoring a person or their contribution, spreading malicious rumours, undermining with teasing, hurtful comments or slurs, or even denying training or promotion opportunities.

Your rights

If you have a neuro-divergent condition of any kind, it is worth finding out your rights, as people are often unaware of the support they are entitled to at work. Bullying may not be against the law as such, however when it is related to someone’s disability, it becomes classed as harassment, which is against the law.

Who can help?

It can be helpful to keep a factual log of what has been happening to you. If you cannot get the person to change their behaviour by informal means, i.e by speaking to them yourself, or getting someone you trust to support you or speak to them instead, then you could try speaking to your:

  •       manager
  •       human resources (HR) department
  •       trade union representative    

If this does not work, you can make a formal complaint using your employer’s grievance procedure. If after that you’re still being harassed, you can take legal action at an employment tribunal.

You can call the Acas (Advisory, Conciliation and Arbitration Service) helpline for advice:

Acas helpline

Telephone: 0300 123 1100

Textphone: 18001 0300 123 1100

Monday to Friday, 8am to 6pm

Acas has produced a guidance leaflet on bullying and harassment.

Download ‘Bullying and harassment at work: a guide for employees’ (PDF, 215KB)

For more information on what to do if you feel you are being bullied go to https://www.acas.org.uk/if-youre-treated-unfairly-at-work        

Get Where You Need to Go On Time, even with ADHD.

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Get Where You Need to Go On Time, even with ADHD.

Someone looking at their watch to check the time

Getting to places on time, is a common scenario that my clients struggle with. Here’s how I helped one client get to her very first job successfully!

Client X was a young woman who had just landed her first job. She was delighted with herself about how she handled the interview and was looking forward to working in this new position. However, she was extremely anxious about how she was going to get to the job on time each day. According to my client she had a track record of being late for everything. Completely focused on her past negative experiences of being late and with her imagination running overtime, in her mind’s eye she was already losing the job by not being there on time.  This negative belief about herself was threatening to derail all the hard work she put in to get the job in the first place.

I pointed out to my client that she had in fact got to our coaching session in good time and asked her how she had accomplished this. She was a bit taken aback to grasp that here was evidence of her being somewhere on time. She began to realise that her attention was fixated on the occasions she had been late. She laughed and told me she’d used a reminder alarm on her phone. Because she was in the habit of having a phone with her everywhere she went, this worked well for her. Here was one tactic we could put to good use in order to help her get to work on time.

Next, we took an in-depth look at my client’s time estimation skills. I wanted to find out whether her way of judging how long it would take to accomplish tasks could be contributing to her challenges. Those of us with ADHD commonly have difficulties with estimating time accurately, and this can be one of the factors that leads to consistently being late.

We broke down the time after waking into all the tasks my client would need to accomplish before she left the house, and looked at each of them as separate entities. It turned out she was underestimating the time it would take her to get ready in the morning by a good 30 minutes. No wonder she was so often late. She simply had not been allowing enough time for all she needed to do in order to leave the house in the morning. I also helped her to understand that factoring in some time for whatever might arise unexpectedly was a key part of estimating time successfully.

 As a result of this new understanding, my client was able to adjust the time she would set her alarm to wake up and wake up 45 minutes earlier.

At this point my client said she already felt far more confident about getting to her new job on time, but there remained a tiny bit of uncertainty. As there were a few days left before the first day, I explained to my client that practising first with the pressure off can be a valuable way to start creating a new habit. She was very enthusiastic about this idea, and realised that in this way, she could tweak her timings if anything cropped up that she had forgotten about.

One week later when we met again, my client was excited to report that she had practised for the few days leading up to her first day at the job and had indeed discovered a couple of tweaks to her timings which she had addressed. She proudly told me that on the first day of her new job, she had arrived on time! On top of this she said the feeling of being in control of her time had allowed her a calm and confidence which made the whole day go well. This was a new and extremely positive experience for her.

Here’s what you can do to help yourself be on time:

  • Find out which negative beliefs about your capabilities may be getting in your way. You can certainly get a coach to help you with this.
  • Look at strategies you already use successfully in other parts of your life.
  • For issues with time, use timers, alarms, and reminders to help you.
  • Examine your time estimation skills for what you are trying to accomplish. Are you over or under-estimating time?
  • Chunk things down into their constituent parts so you can see them more clearly.
  • Factor in some contingency time for the unexpected.
  • To create a new habit, start practising when the pressure is off.
  • Make adjustments and tweaks as required before any critical points.

By selecting the right strategies, ADHD doesn’t need to be a barrier to getting where you need to be on time and in control.

If you found this post useful, you may wish to sign up for regular e-news bulletins so you can receive more articles straight into your inbox. Please use the blue form to the right of this message to subscribe, thank you.

If time management and/or organisation are a challenge for you, please do get in touch to check my availability for one to one coaching.

I’m coach Anna Schlapp, B.A., ACC, coaching people with ADHD and other co-occurring conditions for 8 years in the UK and worldwide. You can get in touch with me here

 

Improve your life with these 3 ways to use your character strengths

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Improve your life with these 3 ways to use your character strengths

If you’re anything like the majority of my coaching clients, you’re always looking for ways to make positive changes in your life.

Character strengths are the positive parts of your personality, so it makes sense to use them as much as possible.

Here are three ways to employ strengths to change your life for the better:

  1. Shore up weaknesses

You may be acutely aware of areas of weakness where you’re not so good at a skill or find something challenging. Identify one or more of your stronger strengths to bolster your performance in these areas.

For example – perhaps you’re not great at remembering upcoming events, but one of your signature strengths is Creativity, and another is Zest. (Your signature strengths are the top 5-7 strengths in your VIA ranking). You could use Creativity to brainstorm new ways of reminding yourself, and you could use Zest to inject some energy and enthusiasm into finding workable solutions for yourself.

2. Develop relationships

There are many ways to develop and improve relationships with others by using character strengths.

One way is to observe someone using one of their strengths and comment favourably upon it; this is known as strengths spotting.

For instance, if you notice someone coordinating with a group of people to get a job done, you could comment on how they employed their strength of Teamwork and say something about how valuable that quality is.

Sadly it is more common for humans to notice and pick up on errors and mistakes than to catch the positives. Making a point of remarking on someone’s strengths is an excellent way to help them feel seen and appreciated. You’ll generally find people respond well to their strengths being noticed, and will begin to notice yours in response. Everyone wins!

3. Overcome stressful situations

When irritated or stressed, you can learn to draw upon your strengths and turn around the feeling of helplessness or being stuck, which is often the default response to challenges if you have ADHD.

One way to do this is to bring to mind a past occasion when you faced and successfully overcame a problem or stressful situation.

Have a list of your 24 character strengths and their definitions in front of you, and pick out what it was inside of you that helped you deal with it. Was it your Bravery or Kindness? Was it Perseverance or Humour, maybe? Or perhaps it was a combination of Love, Fairness, and Perspective?

Write down or think about which strengths you used and how you used them to help you in that situation.

In the future, when facing an irritation or something stressful, you’ll be much better placed to draw on similar strengths to overcome difficult situations.

There are many ways you can bring strengths use into your daily life to build a more fulfilling and productive future. If you’re interested in finding out more about how to increase your awareness of and focus on your strengths, look out for my half-day strengths workshops, or consider one-to one coaching with me.

I’m coach Anna Schlapp, B.A., ACC, coaching people with ADHD and other co-occurring conditions for 8 years in the UK and worldwide. You can get in touch with me here